gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
