that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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