i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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