Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
