I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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