If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
