sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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