You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
