I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my shit smells like andre
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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