Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
