sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
