First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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