Define "chronic" masturbator.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
