how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
