Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
