Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
