I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
