Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
