dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
