For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
