just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
