There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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