Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
