And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His nipple licking is glorious
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