george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
