Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
