In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
