Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
