Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
