Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
