no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
