my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
