we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
