I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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