so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
