There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
