We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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