Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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