it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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