There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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