Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dick very happy bro
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
