i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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