im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
