I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
