How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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