what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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