They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
