Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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