Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
