We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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