ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
