I think scott just propositioned me for sex
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
