Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
