Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
