i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
