Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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