standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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