I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well you can't waste a boner
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
