You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
