I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
