My brain says no but my pants say off.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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